THE YEARNING

THE YEARNING

 

The lone girl wanders in the darkness that is her life. Gone are the feelings of fear and despair she felt long back, all she is left with is the perpetual numbness and nightmarish indifference that haunts her for what feels like eternity. All her dreams, and hopes for a future crushed, all her desires and wishes incinerated, any semblance of happiness or peace destroyed, she is only left with one thing: a yearning. A yearning so tempting, so difficult to resist, the yearning for everything to end all at once.

But it was not always like this, there was a time she was full of joy. The times when she was a young bud with aspirations to bloom into a graceful flower. The times she was unaware of the dark truths the abhorrent world hid behind the façade of the contender of utopia. The times she did not recognize the abominations who surrounded her, disguised under the veneer of good humans. But the truth always gets out, and when it did, it was ugly and agonizing. The world broke her, bit by bit. And when she finally started to heal, she was let down by the people she trusted the most. The people she once called family, did something worse than the monster who perpetrated the final torture that broke her. They simply watched and did nothing, and then as to exacerbate her misery they supported the monster and blamed her for everything that was wrong.

The girl was hurt and confused: how was it her fault? Then, the epiphany hit. She had believed in justice and hoped it would prevail. That was her greatest sin. Believing in justice. Justice is a utopian concept. But her world teetered on the edge of dystopia. There, justice was nothing but a mere delusion of a vain optimistic fool. But she was done being a vain optimistic fool.

She realized that nothing could hurt her more than this. They had shattered her completely. She realized that once shattered, nothing could ever break her again.

So, the girl endured all the humiliation and the taunts of the aftermath with one goal in her mind, vengeance. Vengeance was prevalent in her dystopia, so believing in it would not make her a delusional fool.

The violent fantasies of her vengeful mind kept her nightmares at bay, as she was determined to become the nightmare in her so-called abysmal family’s life. She let go of everything that made her human; for to destroy the monstrous world, she had to become the formidable monster that defined the epitome of diabolicality.

Bit by bit, she planned, bit by bit, she executed. After a while, she was everything she had intended to be: strong, invincible, and above all powerful enough to destroy the world that destroyed her.

She watched it burn with a sense of accomplishment, relieved that the world will never hurt anyone or anything like her ever again. She smiled again after what felt like an eternity.

She commanded herself to suppress her disbelief in her victory. She let herself feel something after the perpetual numbing indifference. Her heart wept for the scarred young girl she once was, but she soothed her grieving heart with the fact that no monster could hurt her now.

After all this time, her yearning was going to be fulfilled. Her yearning for everything to end all at once. She closed her eyes and let the flames engulf her as she welcomed death: the ultimate end to all mortality, with open arms.